Sunday, November 7, 2010

Reflections From Africa...

I will really miss these kids!

Today is my last full day here in Uganda. Tomorrow we are flying to Nairobi to spend a week there with the Warrens and visit the African Leadership schools in the slums of Kibera.

It's 2 PM and it's already been one of those days. It's burning hot outside too. I was lying on my back in the grass with a toddler lying on my lap, two sitting around me, two lying down on my legs, and another one trying to lie on my face. Then Dan came over and was crying. I sat up, and took Benja out of my lap, who started crying too, because I put him down. Then Moses began crying because he wanted up. Now William is pushing Jamima because he wants to lie down on my face. I sigh, and make everyone "tula" or "sit." Now all of them are crying, and I'm wondering,"What am I supposed to do now?" I ended up just going back to the hotel for a short break. Moses has grown to like me, so when I left he was crying. Nathan was crying because he wanted me to pick him up and I didn't, and Benja was crying because he wanted up too. And even though I didn't really know what to do, I knew that I would miss this wonderful group of crying kids.

I'm about to go back to Amani (the orphanage). I have spent time thinking about how I will say goodbye, and how all the kids will react. I realize that they are little 2-4 year olds, who will probably forget who I am. It makes me sad, but its probably true. It makes me sad that they are so starved for love and attention that I can become so important, like a mommy, to them.

And for me, why have I become so attached them? Why did I even start going to the orphanage and why am I spending all my time there? Why am I attached most to sick, sick Moses and not to cute Benja and Patrick? I don't really know, but I do feel like God is calling me to help his least fortunate children. Why am I drawn to Moses? I think its because he looks so needy and I want to fix him! Today one of the Mama's asked me when I wanted to take Moses home, to adopt him. I said," MMhhh...yeah, well... I'm only 12." But, what if I could? Would I?

The first day I went to Amani, I specifically went to see Matthias Joseph and Daisy. From the moment I walked in the gate, I was swarmed by little hands and faces. The first one to get to me was Benja. Now that I think about it, there have been some really funny times there. Great, now I'm sad again. Asher (the Keck's adopted boy) just came over to show us the snake that he drew, so that lightens me up a little bit. I miss all of my friends+family, but I will miss the orphanage+ Katie's family too. One day I'm going to come back and adopt or work as a volunteer. :-)

My dad says that whenever you go to help someone else, it always blesses you more. I know that's true for me this time.

     - Carly